smitten

absolutely in l.o.v.e. with Xavier Rudd.
it's the only station my pandora has been set to for weeks.

yoga teacher training

just signed up.
christmas/bday/every gift for the rest of my life from my dad.
i can't believe i convinced him, but i think he's more into me being a yoga instructor than getting this little thing called a bachelor's degree.
to be honest so am i.
BA= checking the box. YTT= lifestyle. life goal.
i am so fuhreaking excited, i almost want to fast forward through the next month.
almost. but not really.
I'll be back in the tri saturday for a month.
can NOT wait.
Jacob and I are going to Montana for New Years eve. new years weekend really. His family has a cabin on the lake. we are going to go hole up and... just have fun. me and him. alone. i won't go into any more detail than that. but its another big thing i can't fuhreaking wait for.
then back to SD at the end of january. ready for a new semester and to start training. i won't have a life. school m-f, and training all day friday saturday and sunday + 5 mandatory yoga sessions per week. I'll be super busy but... i don't really give an F.

ya yaya yahhh life is good.

it's hard having a conversation with someone...

when you don't speak the same effing language.

remember when

i said i wish more people twittered?

well now everybody does, and now i wish it would go away.

sometimes i just want to quit the internet.

http://coedmagazine.com/2009/09/23/7-ways-the-internet-is-ruining-your-life/

my favorite chill spot on campus

where i sip on some coffee. eat a salad and do the crossword in the daily aztec read my textbooks.

hi

hi. welcome back to my life. I've decided to give blogging another go. i was just re-reading all the posts i made last year and it was a little reminder of all the things ive forgotten about. Having a journal/diary is actually a really good idea for me because i really have a terrible memory. I forget things almost instantly after they happen. Which is a good thing sometimes, but bad when i really want to remember. Like Jacob is absolutely convinced the very first time we kissed it was over at Josh Hinnant's house like years and years ago. I however, have absolutely no recollection of it. Of course i was probably not in the right state of mind at the time to have a recollection in the first place. But still.

Ummm. soooo. life.

Yah, life is good. It's funny there is not a whole lot to report. After i left the tri i came back to SD once again, and this time i started at SDSU. I'm taking 17 units this semester. 22 if you count my friend Ingvild's math class. Lol, its HER class yes, but i basically do it for her. So i've already been pretty busy, which is nice. I like being busy, it keeps me out of my head. I think too much. I think all the time. It's actually really annoying.

Jacob and I are still together. It's been a little weird lately, but im hoping it's just a funk we will pull out of. It's been a little over a year now though, which makes me nervous because it seems my relationships have had an expiration date of a year and a half. D and i were together twice that length, but the remaining year and a half was not easy, and i don't think we should have been together during that time anyways lol.

I have a new fascination with tennis. I've only played a couple times but it's a lot of fun. I have a few injuries from the last time i played though, which are kind of embarassing. There is literally a CHUNK of skin missing from my middle knuckle. It looks like my fist made contact with someone's tooth. Someone who also had a lot of bacteria on said tooth. It's pretty disgusting, and i can't really bend my fingers so im holding off on playing again until i recover. That or my short tennis career is over and it's time to find a new hobby. ha.

Anyways, i just wanted to get something up so that i can fall back into doing this again. There have been so many times i have wanted to start writing but didn't even know where to start because there is such a huge gap of time that i missed. It's like, i know noone even reads this thing but for the sake of continuity and a smooth transition i have held off. But i guess there is no right way to really do it, so bam. here it is.

i need to start blogging again.
i have so much to say.

twitter

i wish people i knew twitter'd. lol. ive been reading some like celebrity ones or whatever lately and theyre really funny.
cool concept.

happy valentines day. youve been served.

so this weekend started off amazingly.
i went to ingvilds last night for a "girls night." she told me to dress nice but i was like pff whatev if its just a girls night im dressing comfy. so i show up in like ragamuffin clothes. well just my normal every day wear. knock on the door. and SURPRISE. 20 people are there all dressed in nice dresses and clothes shoving a cake in my face and throwing balloons everywhere.
she threw me a surprise bday party and i was seriously so surprised. even more surprised than my sweet 16 surprise party my parents threw me. im just really touched they would do that for me, i love my friends here, but they are nowhere near as close to me as my best friends in high school were. and they never would have done a thing like that. so it was just an amazing thing and i feel blessed and loved.
then today things were made "official" with jacob and i just feel so happy. he wrote me the cutest poem ever and normally i dont like the whole lovey dovey cheesey thing, but it was so cute and touched my heart. and i love him. =) i dont know what being "official" is really going to do to our relationship since it was basically the same thing. but its nice to have a title.











THEN i got home this morning and there was a bamboo plant on my desk with a heart and a card from my dad that said with love to a daughter who is beautiful both inside and out happy valentines day. love you.
and we dont really say the whole "i love you" father daughter kind of thing. and it made me a little teary eyed. and i just feel so loved today.

of course fast forward a couple hours to the mailman getting here and everything comes crashing down.
i get a letter from san diego superior court saying im being sued for like 4 thousand dollars.
apparently derrick moved out of our old apartment. didnt tell anyone, and didnt pay rent for the past couple months.
since my names on the lease still, i have 4 days to pay it all or its going on my credit and completely fucking up my life. my future. obviously i dont have that kind of money.
i already had to deal with this once with the cable company. i really hate him. but strangely i feel really calm. i dont know if its just im still in shock or what. but im in like la-la land. it feels like it cant be real. my dad is up there right now trying to figure shit out because i dont even know where to start. hopefully he helps me.



life is strange. one minute your up. one minute your down.

casandra san diego

this thursday thru wednesday i wont be in california.
oooh oh oh where will i be? oh oh oh its a mysteryyyyy.

=)

PETA annoys me

ok when i first became vegetarian (again) like a year and a half ago i was obsessed with reading and joining and educating others about animal rights. i was all gung ho and joined peta and started giving them monthly donations, but then a few months ago i got really annoyed with them and canceled my donations.
i dont know if anyone has seen the news online but they were supposed to air an ad today during the superbowl and instead of doing something that could be educational and cute or funny they decided to make a commercial basically saying "studies show, vegetarians have better sex." with a bunch of almost naked girls basically pretending to fuck themselves with vegetables. ok i know the majority of people watching the superbowl are gonna be middle aged horny men, but do you honestly think they are gonna think about going vegetarian or more than likely just ogle the womens bodies and make rude and objectifying comments? i mean. come ON peta. get real.
of course it got banned, so not only will millions of people NOT see it they just wasted all that money doing something they damn well KNEW wasnt ever going to be aired. and instead of doing something different they are all excited its banned and make a mockery of the people at the boardroom who decided to ban it. which honestly i think they had plenty reason to. little kids watch this game. noone needs to see a naked chick fucking herself with a piece of broccoli. and ive read all sorts of articles that say the people MOST open to vegetarianism is younger kids. dont you think they should be targeting them instead of a bunch of dudes who would probably be drinking beer and knawing on some hot wings at the exact moment it aired? older people are stuck in their ways. i know i will never in a million years convince my dad to go vegetarian but when i actually talk to my little brother about it, he may pretend he thinks im stupid but i can almost see the wheels turning up there as he actually considers what i have to say.
ughhh it just pisses me off bc theres this huge opportunity to really show that vegetarianism is not hard, its not bad. you can still eat. but no. they just make us all look like a bunch of fucktards.

i wish i had a talent.
artistic.
when i was little i used to love to draw. i have a whole notebook of my goofy replications and misshapen portraits somewhere.
then i moved on to writing. my friend belinda and i started a book called 'kids incorporated' a thinly-veiled rip-off of the babysitters club books. but hey we were young. we didnt understand the term copyright.
after that was photography. my parents bought me a zoom-lens canon. one of those cameras with REAL film you know. but soon enough my cats and brother and probably even the ugly brown earth of the tri-cities got sick of the constant shutter snaps and i too tired of of the useless pictures i developed and abandoned the camera somewhere amid the other tried and failed hobbies.
i took a pottery class in high school. HA. my masterpieces were quite laughable.
my voice is shit.
i could easily convince my dad into teaching me the guitar but i really dont want to transform into him more than i already have.
grr. im talentless.
i rented vicky cristina barcelona last night. and i think im going to watch it again tonight. its really really good.

cliche much?...no but really.

3 things i really hate doing
-filling up my gas tank. whenever it gets half full i feel like i should refill it. but somehow it always ends up on e. always.
-ordering pizza. especially when its more than one person deciding what they want. trying to get the best deal. i just do it online.
-hanging up my clothes after they are washed. always get thrown on my bed or the floor and end up mixed with my dirty clothes and wrinkled.

3 essential every day items.
-my sunglasses. i love my marc jacobs and wear them even when theres no need. they be stylinnn.
-cigarettes. nasty little habit i have no desire to get rid of. this should be bad. but im a vegetarian so so what.
-water bottle. i almost always have a water bottle in my purse even tho it makes it bulky and hard to get into at times. re-use, reduce, recycle.

something you hear your whole life but i finally REALLY realized the other day.
-love people for who they are. every flaw, every attribute. they don't owe you anything. they really don't. and if you continue to try to change someone you miss out on the beauty of who they really are. i spent like 4 hours thinking about this the other night when i couldnt sleep.
-the love you experience at any time with any person is not coming from them. its coming from inside of you. its your experience of your true self. in other words, the other person is a stimulus that allows your own love to be uncovered. ~Steve Ross, Happy Yoga.


the other day i was getting so annoyed at my dad. for no reason other than the fact that he was sitting in the other room playing his guitar for hours. i was like dude. why are you ALWAYS home. why are you so lazy. all you do is play guitar and go to yoga class. arent you bored out of your effing mind? you always say your going to go on this trip here. volunteer there. do this. do that. but it NEVER happens. i didnt say this to him but i thought it.
then i was thinking about one of my ex bfs who the whole time i was dating never had a car. not even a license. never got a job. never had money. and how pissed off i would get at him thinking he was the biggest loser sitting on his ass doing NOTHING all day. yet somehow he thought he was gonna be a millionaire. drive a sick whip. puhleeese.
then it dawned on me that the same traits i despise in other people are the same traits im terrified of in myself. ive never been a go-getter highly motivated type of person and it bugs the HELL out of me. and i have all these goals. all these desires, but yet never seem to persue them. so here i am criticizing people who have essentially been big influences in my life, while not even considering myself. and their lives aren't mine. i can't do anything about that and i shouldn't think i can. but i CAN always work on one thing, and thats myself.

I know that I'm not perfect, And that I don't claim to be, So before you point your fingers, Make sure your hands are clean.

one LAST thing. i promise.

"the longer i live, the more i realize the impact of attitude in life. Attitude is more important than facts. it is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. it is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skills. it will make or break a company...a church...a home. the remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. we cannot change the inevitable. the only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... i am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how i react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes. ~Charles Swindoll.

i have a feeling 2009 is going to be a big year for self meditation. self awareness.

i think im starting to grow up.
just a little.

fucking disgusting.

inauguration day

new day new era.
i hope.
ive been watching the festivities all day today, even tho i actually slept thru the actual oath and speech. thank god for the internet.
im incredibly excited that our country is taking a turn in a new direction right now. but im also a little wary. i believe to the best of my abilities that Obama is going to change the path of America, but i also believe its going to take a long long time. and i just hope that a week from now all those Obama-maniacs who blindly believe he's going to take office and snap his fingers and magical fairy dust is going to fix every problem that we have, will still support him and realize its not just going to be peaches. that we really wont see positive changes for possibly years. He said himself its going to get worse before it gets better, but those just so excited that we have a new young black president...i don't think they exactly get that. But he has incredible charisma and brilliant speaking skills, so i think he may get a break. a long honeymoon period to start a path of righting all the wrongs of the last 8 years.
Im also really happy that he comes in to office during the young years of our generation. that we will get to grow up and begin our lives with him as president rather than some other staunchy republican who doesn't really care about the youth. Ive seen how bad people our parents ages are struggling right now. my own parents are. and i feel lucky that i dont have to really deal with that yet you know? that maybe by the time im ready to be an adult and buy a house and have a family, life might just be a little peachier =)
other than that i don't really have a lot to say without perhaps sounding ignorant. i really don't have the greatest grasp on politics yet as hard as i might have tried, but i can only continue to learn.

btw how freaking adorable are his girls? they are going to be so beautiful when they grow up and im kind of excited to see their transformation over the next years.




estimated 2 million people in D.C. today. wish i coulda been.

im hungry. im going to go make some soup.
much love.

im pretty sure im a professional flyer by now.
ive got the whole airport process on lock.
i think its kind of funny that when they call for people to board the plane first class gets to get on first. they get to walk on a special little red carpet right next to all the ordinary people.
does anyone else find this kind of laughable? like really a RED carpet?

got back to sd today. it was 80 degrees with no clouds. major change id say.
it always takes me a little while to feel back at home when ive been in wa for a long time. like i feel really strange. and it hasnt been a good day, so that just adds to the weird-ness of it all.

i got a thing in the mail while i was gone to renew the registration for my car and its 342 effing dollars. normal registration is only 55. but apparently i have 2 parking tickets (one of which i did NOT know about) that never got paid and you have to pay them before you can renew your registration and since it expired while i was gone they charge an extra 62.
then on top of that you have to get a smog check on your car so i went to go do that today, and after i paid 40 dollars to get that done they said my car failed because my cadillac something or other converter is broken. which costs atleast a couple hundred to fix. so i paid 40 bucks to have someone tell me my car was broken. great. its like jeez man. im so sick of putting money into that stupid fucking car. i guess its really my own fault, i should have taken care of all this before it expired and i would have saved myself a ton of money but im having troubles being adult enough to take responsibility.
atleast i always pay my other bills on time.

anyways. enough of that negativity.
i had a really good, low key stay in the tri.
i didnt really do much but i saw my family, a few of my closest friends and hung out with jake a lot.
leaving was kind of bittersweet.
im excited to be back in the warmth. to get back to yoga and ready for spring semester. to just press play on my every day life again after being on pause for about a month. but as everyone who actually reads this probably already knows, jake and i have had this thing going on since summer, and while being there with him was pretty much perfect i almost wish it wouldnt have been. that we would have found some deep down clash in our personalities, or some other flaw that would have snapped us out of it and returned us back to just the good friends we were before.
because really.
i dont know WHAT the hell we are doing.
but nope. we got along fabulously.
and leaving was that much harder.
and now what? just one day at a time?
usually i go with the flow. i really think things just happen for a reason and take it as it comes. but right now i want answers, and there are no answers. atleast not for a few multiple years. and im being a big baby about it.
should have never...but of course i did.


BAH.

ok what else?
hmmmm.............

driving around town today i almost peed my pants. i dont know if i just got used to the tri city traffic or if all the crazies and their drunk mothers were out today but i almost probably got in like 4 crashes.
and i got my favorite so-cal restaurant staple ive been missing...chipotle. but i had no appetite so eating it was pretty much impossible. dammit.
i put it in the fridge but we dont have a microwave so i dont know how im going to eat it later when im just oh so ravishingly hungry.
think i could throw it on a pan on the stove?

being such a lazy butt the past month ive pretty much gained like 5 pounds i can just feel it all sitting on my stomach. i want to maybe do a cleanse starting tomorrow while i still have time before school starts, but organic lemons are like a dollar each and in a few weeks the lemons on my tree in the front yard will be ripe and there are like 6 million so it seems a little unreasonable to buy them now when i can get them for free soon. but im impatient and want my stomach to sit inside of my pants instead of out of them lol.
maybe ill just work out till then and eat healthy like a normal person and save the lemon money and shove it down my cars throat engine.
hopefully it gags.


kiss my butt. lick the undacheese from under my nuts.
eminem came out with a new song. finally.
and i dedicate it to the dmv.

bye.