cliche much?...no but really.

3 things i really hate doing
-filling up my gas tank. whenever it gets half full i feel like i should refill it. but somehow it always ends up on e. always.
-ordering pizza. especially when its more than one person deciding what they want. trying to get the best deal. i just do it online.
-hanging up my clothes after they are washed. always get thrown on my bed or the floor and end up mixed with my dirty clothes and wrinkled.

3 essential every day items.
-my sunglasses. i love my marc jacobs and wear them even when theres no need. they be stylinnn.
-cigarettes. nasty little habit i have no desire to get rid of. this should be bad. but im a vegetarian so so what.
-water bottle. i almost always have a water bottle in my purse even tho it makes it bulky and hard to get into at times. re-use, reduce, recycle.

something you hear your whole life but i finally REALLY realized the other day.
-love people for who they are. every flaw, every attribute. they don't owe you anything. they really don't. and if you continue to try to change someone you miss out on the beauty of who they really are. i spent like 4 hours thinking about this the other night when i couldnt sleep.
-the love you experience at any time with any person is not coming from them. its coming from inside of you. its your experience of your true self. in other words, the other person is a stimulus that allows your own love to be uncovered. ~Steve Ross, Happy Yoga.


the other day i was getting so annoyed at my dad. for no reason other than the fact that he was sitting in the other room playing his guitar for hours. i was like dude. why are you ALWAYS home. why are you so lazy. all you do is play guitar and go to yoga class. arent you bored out of your effing mind? you always say your going to go on this trip here. volunteer there. do this. do that. but it NEVER happens. i didnt say this to him but i thought it.
then i was thinking about one of my ex bfs who the whole time i was dating never had a car. not even a license. never got a job. never had money. and how pissed off i would get at him thinking he was the biggest loser sitting on his ass doing NOTHING all day. yet somehow he thought he was gonna be a millionaire. drive a sick whip. puhleeese.
then it dawned on me that the same traits i despise in other people are the same traits im terrified of in myself. ive never been a go-getter highly motivated type of person and it bugs the HELL out of me. and i have all these goals. all these desires, but yet never seem to persue them. so here i am criticizing people who have essentially been big influences in my life, while not even considering myself. and their lives aren't mine. i can't do anything about that and i shouldn't think i can. but i CAN always work on one thing, and thats myself.

I know that I'm not perfect, And that I don't claim to be, So before you point your fingers, Make sure your hands are clean.

one LAST thing. i promise.

"the longer i live, the more i realize the impact of attitude in life. Attitude is more important than facts. it is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. it is more important than appearance, giftedness, or skills. it will make or break a company...a church...a home. the remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. we cannot change the inevitable. the only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude... i am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how i react to it. And so it is with you...we are in charge of our attitudes. ~Charles Swindoll.

i have a feeling 2009 is going to be a big year for self meditation. self awareness.

i think im starting to grow up.
just a little.

fucking disgusting.