wtb!!

i cant believe tomorrow = december.

nuttiness.

only 2 and a half weeks till this semester is over and im back in tc.

where is my life going????

only 2 and a half months till im 21.
funny but i dont want to turn 21. im happy as a clam just being 20. i will be officially old. and i dont want that to happen. eeeeeekssss.
theres no big event to look forward to after your 21. unless you get married or have a child or something.
lol why the hell am i being so pessimistic?
life is good babay. goooooood. but lets just freeze the clocks for right now.

mmmkay.

i wont be eating turkey today

pardon those poor birds.
happy thanksgiving yall.
today is depressing. i wont be with my fam but i guess thats the price you pay for moving 1200 miles away from your closest relatives.
my dads abandoning me to take his gf to la today cuz shes flying to australia at like midnight.
fortunately he filled up my tank and gave me a benjamin so i can now go to my makeshift familys house and buy some groceries and eat food with erica and ingvild.
lol they have no family here either.
ericas is in chicago. ingvilds in norway. (hence the name INGVILD)
none of us know how to cook so it should be mildly entertaining.
ha.
much love and comida.

im going on a diet tomorrow.
master cleansing it maybe.
hmmm.
peace.

noone blogs anymore.

i hate you all.
bitches.

i have the whole week off from school and im bored.
i actually have things to do and people i can hang out with lately. but i only have 2.27 in my bank account and even less than that in my gas tank. so i feel like a mooch having people come pick me up. ugh i cant wait for the first. i need to stop living beyond my means. but this month im blaming it on my 400 cell bill. if it hadnt cost that much id still have money.(and it wasnt my fault it cost that much)

but who wants to hear about my money troubles.

i turned my app in for state a couple days ago. im nervous. like i signed a transfer agreement contract with mesa that basically said im guaranteed acceptance to any UC i want once i finish my 60 transferrable units and if i keep a gpa above 2.5. which it is.
but state is super overcrowded right now. last spring they didnt even take any new students and apparently they are already 30% over capacity. stupid. people need to go away.
but i have a plan. if i dont get accepted im going to travel all next fall. i want to save money next semester and get a jobafter i get back from the tri for christmas. then ill just work really hard all spring and summer and then in the fall ill go spend some months over seas.
i need info on backpacking.
how do i get this.
anyone want to go with me?

im feeling restless. i want to flyyyyyyyyyyyyyy. ahhh.

adding on to the previous post since im in such a chatty mood...

im wide awake because i took a 4 hour nap earlier today and then drank some caffeinated chai tea.
i hate napping. i feel like its such a waste of the day. but i had nothing i had to do so i indulged. and it felt good.
i have some really bad tan lines. i wear hot yoga shorts to swim class because i dont really want to wear a little bathing suit when im working out and the person swimming behind you can totally see your business if your doing the breaststroke and theyre wearing goggles.
so i need to go tanning. i dont want to pay for it tho so maybe ill just get white. atleast i can still sit outside and get some uv raysss. but i wish erica still just worked at her salon. haha.
the other day i was under my bed searching for something and i found some boxer/briefs that had accidently wiggled their way down there. somehow. from my visitor. im wearing them right now.
but it was kinda strange because later that same day doing laundry i was like oooh i wish i had some more. and then when i was folding all my dry clothes there was this little pair of black hanes girl versions of the same underwear i had found earlier!
i was like wtf.
im pretty sure theyre my dads gfs cause i did my laundry right after her but isnt that kind of a strange coincidence. i left them in my drawer. thats kind of creepy to wear someone elses underwear. but im not gonna give them back cuz i want to buy my own plus i dont want to be like here clancy ive had your underwear for like a week now. uhm. yah. weirdo.
i hate living with 3 men because there are just little things i find completely necessary that they may not. like toilet paper. if we run out of toilet paper they can go a couple days without replenishing the stock. i dont know what they do when they have to go number 2 and i really dont WANT to know, but being a girl and not having the right parts to wiggle it off, its pretty crucial that toilet paper is there for use EVERY time.
also my room is right by the bathroom so i always make sure to have my door shut and music on if someone walks in there with pooey intentions. sick. i dont know why im so sick and telling people this stuff. i guess i just wish i had my own bathroom. that would be nice.

i wish i was going to be home for thanksgiving. last year i celebrated with friends and passed out drunk after eating tofurky. not exactly classy. and thanksgiving is just like THE family holiday. it used to be so much fun with my fam. my grandma would make homemade pies and everyone would actually show up. now all my moms brothers and sisters (all 7 of them) are feuding eachother and noone gets along anymore. but i would always go sit in the spare room with my cousins and look through all my grandmas photo albums. i always felt so special because out of the 30-some grandchildren, im the only one who got a whole entire album dedicated to my youth. sweet sweet gma love.

my hair is fading and it looks bad, but i dont want to re-dye it yet. i want to wait till i get to the tri and see what carrie can do with it. i want to gradually start lightening back up i think. dark is just not me. i gave it a shot but i like being blonde. but i have no idea how bad this is gonna be to my hair. hopefully it doesnt fry off and die. i want to get this stuff called ovation hair cell therapy. its supposed to make your hair grow thicker stronger longer yadda yadda. normally i dont fall for those ploys but gina the latina on ajs playhouse show in the morning always talks about it, and ive seen pictures of her and her hair looks fabulous.
its really expensive. like 100 dollars for a 12 oz bottle. so maybe ill ask for it for xmas. bah.

i need to make a list of things i want for christmas. my mom always asks me what i want and i never give her a list cuz i feel weird just being like here. these are the things i want you to buy me. but when i dont she always just gets me soooo much stuff and most of it is like little cheap stuff that adds up, and honestly id rather just get a couple nice things than a bunch i dont want lol. but shes so particular about having it be "even" under the tree. atleast this year i wont have to share all my shit with derrick. i swear last year it was just like dishes and foreman grills and juicers and comforters. i felt like suffocating with domestication. and i didnt even take that stuff when i moved out. dumb.

so really i just want some new jeans. my new sunglasses i already know shes getting. some yoga stuff. and that shampoo. wooot.

loogies.

I'm such a shitty driver.
not in the sense that i get in crashes and whatever. (that pedestrian wasn't my fault!) but i cant drive slow! its like when I'm on the high way I'm only going fast enough if I'm catching up to the car in front of me.
I'm gonna get a fat ticket one of these days and hate myself i know.


i like plucking my eyebrows in the car. is that weird? the best light is in there i think.

I'm so sick of being semi-sick. my immune system needs to buck up. its like I'm not sick enough to where i can use it as a legitimate excuse to bail on people or not do what i don't want to do. but I'm sick enough that that's what i feel like doing. haha. its been like 2 weeks now dammit and I've probably swallowed so much snot it would make you barf. since i don't know how to hock a loogie. blahhchh. just thinking of loogies makes me want to gag.

speaking of gagging. i was watching YouTube reaction videos to 2 girls 1 cup earlier. i know that was cool like a year ago but i happened to come across one in my search for something else and some were so funny i was crying from laughing. like who subjects their poor grandma to that awfulness? entertaining for me. ha.

i don't think ill ever be a good stoner. i get paranoid sometimes especially if I'm around people i don't really know and i just don't like that feeling. but every once in a while ill take a bong load and then think I'm the smartest person on the planet. i have so many ideas and the explanation for everything when I'm high i swear. but then later i cant remember what brills idea i had. i should start carrying around a notebook. ha.

so the other day i was talking to one of my friends from class and he like totally insulted me through "compliments" and i was just thinking, you cant be serious right?

like first he said oh you have pretty eyes.
cool thanks i guess. generic but whatever.
they're really big.
...OK. not exactly sure what to do with that one.
but they fit your head. like if your eyes were that big with a small head you would look like a lemur or something.
!!...!&#^@&@#!@

then a little bit later..

it really surprises me that you're a vegetarian.
why?
well like my mom and sister are vegetarians and they're so skinny and sickly!
oh. thanks. i see.
not that you're fat you just look healthy! like you get protein!
...right well vegetarian does not = skinny. i still enjoy lots of bread. and cheese. and ice cream. thanks for pointing it out tho! haha.

then he said i was having such a girl reaction. he was trying to compliment me.

his idea of compliments were telling me i have a big head and that I'm not skinny...lol agh. when will they ever learn.

is it just me or is time seriously flying by? like on a jet plane. or a rocket ship.

it feels like i was JUST in the tri not that long ago, and ill already be there again soon. less than a month. sometimes i just wish everyone would move here instead. i feel like I'm always planning my life out according to trips to the tri. and its making me avoid stuff i want to do.
oh ill just get a job after i come home from wa.
oh ill just volunteer at the animal shelter after i get back.
oh after i get back in cali ill start living a life.
after after after is always my excuse. and its a lame one. this i am well aware. but it doesn't stop me from using it. bahhh.

i really want to work at an animal shelter.
i have to apply to state and moorpark soon. i might not apply to moorpark. Even though its highly unlikely ill get accepted in the first place since they only have 50 spots for 400 applicants. i don't want to get accepted by freak chance and then have to turn it down. because I'm pretty much positive that before i do what i really want to do i just need to buckle down and knock out my bachelors or it will never happen. i know me and i know if i take a 2 year break in between my aa and ba it's not likely that i will go back to school. and i don't want to do that to myself. i have an awesome setup and situation, i would be a fucking idiot to screw it up or not do it.
but i just want to work with the animalessssss.

just a bunch of bupkuss.
and i could think of probably 10 other randoms i want to write about but I'm just NOT gonna do it. ha.

marley

i



miss my




dog. so damn much.




it hurts to think about it. but its not getting any easier. i think its getting worse.




i cant believe ill never see those little nuts again.

=(

ugh.

are you a weirdo? come to my school.

my school campus attracts some crazies.
a couple weeks ago it was the 10 foot blown up pics of aborted fetuses.
today some random old dude was standing in the middle of the quad lawn holding a big pole attached to a huge sign that said REPENT OR BURN IN HELL SATANS CHILDREN.
and under that there was a list of everyone who was gonna go to hell. basically everyone but christians.
any other faith, satans child. fornicators. baby killers. all satans children.
i get that theres a right to free speech but im sick of these annoying religious fanatics coming to my school and trying to push their stupid beliefs on the young impressionable minds of the students.
were not that dumb. go elsewhere.

just a little rant.
bah.

so

i got on facebook today and i had a new friend request and i was like. cool man.
clicked on it.
and it said michelle larson would like to be your friend.

ummmmm. wtf.

2 days ago my uncle friend requested me and i was a little hesitant since hes all christian with 6 kids. but i was just like whatev. and accepted it.

my uncle is one thing. but now my MOM??

NO!! lol. i dont know what to do.

full of nothingness

i reallllly dont understand why i cant edit my text anymore on this stupid blog. the only thing i can do to it is make it bold or italic

dub tee eff.

i havent really been good at updating lately. well for one cos of my laptop charger. which i got a new one of finally btw. im lovin having my computer back yayyyy. except my virus protection ran out so im scared something bad is gonna happen and the whole thing is gonna crash and ill be devastatedddd.

especially bc i just bought the whole new lady gaga cd on itunes, and all my music isnt backed up because i dont know how to burn discs. rip discs. whatever.
im pretty much computer retarded.

i forgot what my for 2 was.
you cant have a for one without a for two.

oh yes.
its because. nothing very cool is happening in my life! pretty much its just school and yoga and sex and the city nights at ericas. were re-watching every season and i think weve made it to about halfway thru the third. party animals i know.




speaking of animals. dbag derr got rid of my dog without even telling me. im beyond pissed and beyond sad about it. i dont really like to talk or even think about it but yah. i always just kinda figured once i figured out my life a little i would be able to take him back. and now hes gone. forever. fuck. apparently he went to a nice married family in temecula who had 2 other dogs and a big yard with a pond. so im happy about that. i guess. =/

i had been having all these crazy dreams about mar for like a week and half. every night about him transforming into other dogs or jumping across logs in a river like on frogger. i knew subconsciously something had to be up. and i was right. unfortunately i was a week late. boo.

ugh im kinda getting a cold right now. its just been festering inside me for the past 3 days not sure if it wants to pop up and say a full blown hello or stay dormant. im hoping for the latter. i dont really ever get sick and i sure as hell dont need it right now. everyone i know here is hacking up lungs and sneezing their eyeballs out. erica has bronchitis and sinus infections and my housemates have a flu and a cold. its the weather i think. it dropped to like 65 oh me oh my.


oh i heard about eli michelle. yowza ouchhh!

i got tix to fly home for christmas today. dec 18th-jan 15th. almost a full month. whoop. im pretty excited. and ill finally get to meet talon. yayyy.


i probably really should go to bed. this is a bunch of random nonsense anyways. and i have class in the morning. nighttttt.

10 things about me

1. i always have a boy in my life. i cant remember the last time i wasnt atleast "talking" to someone or the last time i was truly single in every sense of the word.

2. im not really a 'holiday-y' type person. i didnt even do anything on halloween. i feel a little scroogy saying that but holidays are always so much planning and it gets kind of annoying and obligatory feeling.

3. im completely lost in my life. everything i want to do is conflicting instead of complimentary. sometimes i feel like i want to be a housewife and stay at home with kids and just be taken care of, and other times i cant think of anything worse than that.

4. i believe in astrology. im an aquarius. and for the most part, it couldnt be any more dead-on. and when i read profiles on other people i know, its really accurate as well. every time i meet a boy i look up their sign compatibility with mine. my best match is libra. =)

5. i had a crush on a girl once. i just wanted to like..BE her. i was infatuated and i have no idea why, because i know i love boys haha. but before she moved away she told me shed always had a crush on me. we both had boyfriends at the time, and we made plans to hang out, then i freaked and ditched. havent talked to her since.

6. im voting democrat this year, but i think sometimes i might be a closet republican. i definitely have right-leaning tendencies.

7. im only going to school to get my degree. because i dont know anything better to do. everything i ever think i want to do can be accomplished without a degree, but i feel more secure this way.

8. what i want more than anything else is a super tight group of girlfriends like on satc. i always just have like one "best" friend, but i want like 4. wouldnt that be rad.

9. i feel identity-less with this brown hair. the platinum has always just sorta been myyy thing. im gonna try it out for awhile but i can probably guarantee you 110% ill be back to blonde. and sooner rather than later.

10. i always get brazilian waxes. they hurt like a bitch but i feel way hotter whenever i get them hahaha. even tho noone knows but me. =)



bought a new charger online, should be here in a couple days. and ill be back to bloggin. whoop whoop. <3