im lonely talk to me.

thats what i feel like saying in a mass text to everyone in my phone book on nights like this.

of course i dont but sometimes i wish id get random surprise messages.

or calls. or whatev.

my days are fine. blissfully happy actually. night isnt even too bad. sometimes tho i just wish i had a warm body next to me. i think thats the worst part about being on my own.

on my own in this big lonely world.

you know...

i think im reeling a little bit. not bc i miss him. but i feel like one day i had a relationship and the next i didnt. i dont feel like that. thats what happened.

i found out i was single by myspace didnt i tell ya. okay so obviously the whole thing had gone bad and we hadnt talked for like 2 weeks before hand. but thats how it "officially" went down.

like...really?

and i havent heard one word from him since. not one single peep.

its not so much a matter of me missing him, or missing those days. honestly im truly relieved that its over. but maybe its a matter of my pride. of my precious little fragile ego.

call it what you will but i sometimes think in my head. " what is so wrong with me, or so lackluster about me, that a person who dated me for a year and a half can just erase me. so easily. without a hint of remorse or sadness. or anything... pretend i didnt exist bitch."

sure i dont talk to him either. its a 2 way street. but he initiated it all. and i think thats just what stings a little at 1am when i cant sleep.

i want to observe these feelings and then tie them up in a pretty little box and put them away. theres nothing i can do. nothing that i want to do. but sometimes it just helps to think.

its my 6th day without a cig.

and i havent drank coffee in like a month in a half.

correction. i bought one today. took 2 drinks and got insta heart burn. so i threw it out.

my 2 biggest vices i just one day decide to give up.

i can do that u know.

im pretty good at just...letting go.

anyway. i dont know where this is going.

already i miss these days.